Observations

Sept 2, 2009
Today in the morning, the weather was good so decided to go for a walk. Conducted power walking excercises in there. At one point, I felt as though there is a concenteration of my awareness and attention and there was a kind of 'feeling' of expansion, though nothing beyond it. These days, a sense of expansion does come in on and off (in form of concenteration of awareness initially), but then there seems to be an inclusion of other aspects. But that's it. Nothing more. Might be I'm getting more involved in doing the Alexander technique (first was doing only the lying down activity). This technique suggests of using the body and mind together and performing things with a sense of expansion rather than contraction. When I do deep breathing, I use the diaphragm. So, I've observed that the breath is deeper than what it used to be. Also, am conscious about my posture now (the neck lengthened and head resting delicately on top of it). Though still I am in a stage of making an effort to undo my learnt misue of body, I think that it will be beneficial for me. My cervical spondilosis is a bit better now. Earlier, in the mornings I used to get up with extreme pain in my neck and upper back. Shoulder muscles were stiff and it used to seem that everything is jammed. But now, pain is there, in morning, no doubt. But intensity has become much lesser and I suppose that with increased use of better posture, I'll be able to overcome this hurdle. Though am still 'learning' to use this technique properly.
But since yesterday, I'm observing something else playing in my mind. There is a constant sound of 'hummmm' (some husky, deep tone in kind of male voice and sometimes instrumental). A long one. Something in me is all the time telling me to delve in this sound. Also, I've observed that this rythm plays itself when I breathe out. Additionally, I've observed that the rythm comes when my mind is not thinking about anything else. Related observations:
- seems to be a prank of dark force
- its trying to 'hook' me with the idea that the rythm is some kind of creative vibration, representing creation
- its trying to distract me. When my own thoughts are silent, I'm interferred with such disturbances.
- enlightenment encompasses hearing of music and this is a part of music of consciousness.
- if I'm not falling trap to all this, I should forget that I can view the truth in its eyes as I'll never be given the chance to do so.

My own observations/confusions regarding astral realm, which ofcourse I will put to grounding post procedure:
- It seems that whenever an incarnation does a 'wishful' thinking', its essentially a visualization of how I want things to be, rather than how they really are. (Thus, its an illusion). This 'wishful thinking' is stored in astral realm. So, a part of awareness of each being is there by default.
- Astral realm was thus, originally a repository of thought forms, which were a result of wishful thinking. With passage of time, this repository became one of special powers also, as people used this wishful thinking to create illusions so that whatever they perceived, got fulfilled and there was no pending desire, so to say. Like its not in capacity of a human being to fly. But if a person wanted to experience what flying feels like, s(he) projected her/his awareness in the astral realm to get the feeling of flying.
- The thought forms struck with astral sub-reality, which have not been dissolved as yet, relay the distorted information to human beings (being non physical in nature and having our awareness in form of 'what if' with them).
- A human being today, experiences things on basis of 'beliefs' (which have been built in the astral realm because human beings wanted things to be in a particular fashion, but they turned out to be different. To bridge the gap in his/her desire and what is, human being builds a belief or so to say constructive thinking) rather than reality or 'what is'. So, beliefs govern our life experience at large. If I have a belief that I'll drown in the sea, I'll not go for water sports, even though I want to. So, my belief governs my life experience today.

Problems I'm facing:
- This is a disturbing rythm and whenever my mind is not having any routine thought, this is there.
- Its causing me to create beliefs (which I've listed above)

I'll do a grounding post procedure on all the beliefs and zap them all .

Sept 8, 2009
According to my observations, only one aspect of consciousness can gain attention of ordinary human mind at one particular point of time. So, if a thought is already going on, I get attached to it. This attachment is due to attention that a particular thought has. Typically, after the thought has passed, I reconcile my status that I am not just that thought so that I don't get swayed away with the thought, ie entire cycle of states (action, emotions, reactions, etc). But this does not happen with human beings at the moment. In their moment to moment existence, they 'attach' or 'associate' themselves to each thought and their 'becoming' wrt to whirlpool of thoughts that are going on in their mind. So, once a thought has passed by now, I come back to my original being, which is 'not only that thought' but me.

Sept 14, 2009
If I were to die now (intent that I set every night before sleeping), then how will I achieve it without being a 'captive of my own beliefs that I have had in this world'?
1) Zap the very notion that I can be captive.
2) I am zapping all my beliefs of God, but am getting interference and am again and again dragged to singing the praises or mantras of deities that I've worshipped. Fine. I am zapping these everyday. But why is it being reinforced? Probably of the world events also.
(ii) My broader belief that I need protection and all humans need protection. - ZAP
3) My attachments and dependencies on people.
4) My beliefs on hell and heaven.
5) My delving in a 'particular state' as in peace, love, etc. These are nothing but actual astral realms.
6) Anything that is separate from me or seems to be separate from my current nature, for example, the blue light that I see many times, the love and peace that I experience, the feeling of expansion, etc need to be zapped.
7) The belief or the notion that to pursue my true nature, I am or need to struggle with the dark force ie it is some sort of war between me and the astral realm.
8) My 'attachment' or 'clinging' to my physical body. At one time, I used to think what other people will do when I die. Now need to zap this notion and my 'attachment' to 'witnessing' or seeing how my death is ritualized and how different people react to my death and what loss
of my being dead means to my loved ones.

Beliefs that need grounding post

Sept 2, 2009:
Following are my beliefs that need to be put to grounding post procedure:
1. Awareness is a part of bodily existence and chances are that once body is not there, awareness is not there and then one goes into darkness ie just as one sleeps and has no awareness in that duration.
2. Awareness is there or is not there when one is not incarnated.
3. Curiosity to know what awareness is wrt to non physical state and also wrt to the fact that if an aspect of consciousness is not incarnated, then where does awareness come into picture ie for an enlighted person, will there be a continuum of consciousness even after death (I can smell an astral realm being created here and a mind can easily skip transition if it has an impression that it has to maintain an awareness and could fall prey to astral realm). Also, how does awareness picture after non enlighted person's death (here again, astral realms can be created).
4. I am 'attached' to well being of people in general and whenever I see someone suffering, I can't stop 'feeling' for that person and can easily get into a 'sad' state of mind.
5. If I can 'help' someone, then I get 'actively' involved in that procedure and become the actor myself. The 'urge' to make someone come out of trap situations in which s/he is currently into.
6. Being 'comfortable' in a limited scenario where my awareness is limited to my physical existence.
7. 'Fear' of experiencing' my 'infinite' nature of reality and then clinging to my limitation whenever I feel that I'm nearing it.
8. All 'impressions' relating to enlightenment (like its an experience, etc).
9. If I try to 'perceive' my real nature, I'll be attacked by the dark force and the dark force's capability to do so.
10. What is called 'enlightenment' is some separate and special 'state' beyond my physical existence. When I go to that state, I'll loose touch with the physical world and then might be in danger.
11. My true nature is something about darkness or light or energy.
12. Fear of isolation, darkness and confinement.
13. Fear of old age and notion that when one goes into old age, s(he) has an unhealthy life and body at that stage becomes very difficult to maintain. I've gathered this impression because even the closest of current people are not really 'happy' to care of sick ones. When one is ill, that seems to be the toughest time as illness fosters 'dependecy' on other people. Other people do not do things according to wish of the person in question, ofcourse (they have their own life and brains). So, sickness can lead to depletion of one's life experience to a great extent.
14. My understanding my own true nature is a war between me and the illusionary realities that I am carrying and the dark force. The dark force will and is always throwing pranks to keep me away from realizing my true nature, no matter how hard I try to perceive it.

Being an observer

Aug 19, 2009
Why I want to gain clarity?
As life events have unfolded for me, life had not been satisfying or smooth or a very healthy experiece for me. In my childhood days, I used to be drentched in emotions and associated turmoils and confusions. Used to cry on petty issues. My body and mind used to always react to my emotions. When I had time to cater to this particular state of mine (ie effectively a carrer break), I started reading spiritual stuff. It had always been inbuild into me since childhood...Even when I was about 6 yrs old, I used to think 'Who I am? Where have I come from? All life events seem to be a running movie. Used to wonder who 'God' really is as its impossible for any one God or whosoever to be present in each particle. Sometimes, the calling of my inner nature was so strong (off and on) that I on my own account used to sit and chant God's name for peace.
Then, ofcourse started reading spirtitual stuff, followed by meditation. This event led me to dissatisfaction as everytime I meditated, something in me told me that this can't be my true self. All these experiences seem to be superimposition and not reality. Then, searched for self realized people on the web. Luckily, found Philip Goddard.
Coming in contact with him, I realized that confusions in my inner state had been due to dark force interferences (which are present for everybody) in existence. Now, I aim to clear myself of these interferences to be able to realise my true nature - not that this is something that I desire or an honour that I want to bestow myself with - but this seems to be calling of my own being and understanding myself is not a compulsion but has always been with me since my childhood days. Just don't know why? But it is always there in me.

Of late, have tried various means to live according to my deepest nature ie my fundamental consciousness. Have tried to look at the physical objects as well as thoughts passing by in my awareness. Also was aware of the interference I received from negative aspects in awareness (dark force). With this, I was not able to realise my true nature, which is always operating in me. So, now I've started looking at my mind in detail. How I react to states of my being. Yes, till now I've 'reacted' to states of my being rather than 'receiving and observing' these states. Still am reacting at large rather than receiving the states and letting them pass or being a silent observer of the same. I've observed:
1) If we are appropriately grounded, we just let each state pass by being a silent observer rather than a participant in form of emotions and our association with the 'I' as the 'actor'. Then we are able to see the state as one complete event, which involves all actors, 'i' in this body and any other being. Being the silent observer means letting the states pass. Am not getting into 'ego' bit and innhalation of ego as that is really v difficult and confusing (sourced from the dark force). We have to exercise our free will in life and ego is a blockage to that concept. But, when a state is passing, I have to accept that it involves itself, me, or any other being or object. So, if I am emotional about it, I am getting attached to that state rather than letting it go.
2) Using methodology ie clarity sphere, grounding post, alexander technique, visual eye awareness, removing blocks in my awareness, clearing weak connections, empowering myself (via affirmations) and clearing myself of dark force attacks, clearing all the illusionary realities that I am carrying.
3) Being aware of my surroundings ie physical surroundings. So, when i move any part of my body, such as tapping of feet or shaking of legs (which used to happen previously when I used to be impatient, happens comparatively less as now I am aware of this and know that this reaction is making me attached to my feeling of being impatient. Recently, have started a detailed focus on the Alexander technique and all aspects that it involves. Am viewing the videos available on the net to get atleast started with it in an appropriate manner.
4) Being in the present moment. When a thought comes, it is mostly a reaction or a possible outcome to any previous event or reaction. Let it pass and while I do so, I've often observed that I say to myself 'Why are you living with the ghost of this thought or event that has already passed? Right now, there is nothing of this sort. So, let me get back to present moment. Still I know that I am negotiating thought with a thought. But when I am able to take charge of what I think, then I assume I'll be more at par with deepest aspects.
5) Till the time there is an analysis or thought for a thought, I know I am still in duality. The process of analysis, however, is helping me to gain a more rational outlook to life than I had before. But nonetheless, it is still a mind matrix.

So, what is really being an observer (from my perspective)?
As far as I have observed, only one thought can pass the mind at a given point of time. This thought can then lead to a network or web of hundreds of thoughts.

Earlier, this used to be the case with me. I used to get swayed away by my thoughts and all the emotions that arose from them were wrecking my life. I used to almost feel like I was drowned in a sea of emotions, and it was very difficult for me to rise to the surface again. Everything seemed to be happening automatically and I never realized what is going on. Was never into the present moment -was always 'lost' into events of past and alternative possiblities from these events or some wishful thinking and possibilities from these events. Was attached to each and every emotion of mine.

The next step in my understanding was- whatever was happening, I used to be affected by it to be affected by it to a great extent. At this stage, the thoughts of past events and alternative possiblities and wishful thinking had stopped arising to a great extent. I was more into overall present, however, not still in the present moment.

Then, I started becoming 'aware' of my thoughts and physical gestures and surroundings. Whenever a thought arose, I used to be 'aware' of it ie when the thought ended, I used to acknowledge that this has happened (earlier used to get swayed with all thoughts). Still, I was greately 'attached' to each emotion of mine and had no understanding to surface out of it.

Then, while I was 'aware' of the thought, physical gestures and surroundings, I tried to catch hold of the reactions the thoughts bring in me and the turmoil they cause in me. So, gained an understanding on working of mind and emotions and emotional patterns (a cursory reading). This provided pointers as to how I can stop myself from getting into 'emotional trap'. ie if an emotion arises, I can process it in a creative adaptive way (what they left brain) rather than getting swayed by it. Have been doing this since then - specially to gain a bird's eye view of an entire situation, rather than just my viewpoint and my interest. This makes the emotion less severe and easy to let go of. Yes, am zapping using clarity sphere, all those issues that I can figure out logically.

Still, I know that I am not a silent observer. This is because a thought passes first, then I realize (or am aware) that it has passed, then I act on the basis of requirement - ie to use the clarity sphere or adapt in a creative adaptive way or sometimes react also (still due to poor grouding at that moment).

But of late, I've observed that some reactions of mine for example, anger wrt a particular situation that I zap everday, has started receeding. In fact, I could sense this emotion 'burning away'. Now, I really don't do any wishful thinking and am not dwelling too much in past events. Now, the moment the thought has completed, I am aware of it and acknowledge its passing by. But still, one thing I've observed - I am 'attached' to emotions. For example, if I'm feeling sad, I am into feelings caused by sadness wrt to a particular event. If I am 'attached' to emotion of sadness, I'll be in that emotion for days together and all the events in my life will be affected adversly, thereby building a whirlpool for me.

But now, I am aware that I am at the first place 'attached' to the emotion (lets say sadness). This sadness is caused by a particular event. Have an intent to say that I let go of the emotion of sadness. This can be strengthened by doing core star visualization technique (which aims at letting go of the emotion and bringing awareness back to the present moment). Now, I have to carefully understand the underlying thoughts in that event which have brought about the reaction of sadness. Zap all these thoughts. Along with zapping of thoughts, clear all weakening connections (to person, the attachment to that particular emotion itself, the reaction to that emotion, all the potential thoughts which we have that the person in question is capable of doing). This is followed by how I can creatively 'adapt' to the situation rather than react to it and make things worse for myself.

- Integrating 'choice' in my lifestyle.
Also, earlier whatever was the outcome of a particular event, I used to get 'startled' by the outcome of the event. ie if the event caused panic, I used to be in the state of panic for long durations and felt that there was no choice for me accept to be in that state. Also, all the future reactions to similar events were automatically getting into the state of panic. But now, since I am aware of my of thougths, mostly I don't get startled by the events. Am aware that I can choose to come out of the situation. Work out choices on the basis of energy testing. This has helped me a lot to overcome the trap that an emotion or a reaction had set for me and blocks in my awareness are clearing away due to such practice. I also think that at the moment of death, awareness can be stuck with astral realm if one gets startled and shocked because of:
a) losing habitual contact with the physical body
b) being ungrounded
c) not knowing where to go since there is no physical body to cling to
d) blocks already existing in awareness: This is from my own 'live' experiences. Whatever emotions come to us, one is mostly attached to them. For example, if I am fearing something, at the first place I am attached to the thought that has caused fear (I identify that thought as 'me'). Then:
a) I am attached to the 'possibilities' that thought can cause.
b) I am attached to the 'outcome' that pleases my ordinary mind the most
c) I am attached to the 'need' to be stuck with the thought - when there is a distraction, I don't like it. I try to get rid of the distraction fast so that I can be in that thought again.
Then I am caught in the web of thoughts and turmoil that this one thought can bring in my mind.
So, at the moment of death, for example, if I like music and am attached to a particular environment in which the music is played, then likely if same music is audible to me and pleases me (because of habit or because my mind liked it immensely at a particular time in life), my awareness will get drawn to that peace of music automatically and I might become the captive of the dark force. So, best is to zap all illusionary realities where I 'like' something or am attached to doing something in a particular manner, including all habits.

Also, about two days back while doing power walking activity, I felt joyous and also felt that I am all the expanse ie all this space within which everything that I can see right now is present. But this feeling gave rise to fear as I'm not used to such an expanse! Was scared of the expanse as ordinary mind is 'used to' its limited existence. I did zap the feeling of fear and fear of the unlimited also. But my energy testing has shown that this was an attack from the dark force. It was manipulating me to think that I was going to know the truth now. My deeper aspect warned me from encouraging this feeling (that's why response was a feeling of fear).

Aug 20
Have zapped the following:
a) Urge to 'know' about consciousness and how it operates
b) the notion that I 'need' to 'know' about consciousness
c) the 'attachment' to the feeling of 'knowing' about consciousness

Also, to align myself better with present time, I today tried to match my awareness with my physical acitivities. For example, if I am washing my hands, I awarely watch myself doing so. If I am picking up something, I watch the action of picking up and am aware of the same. Earlier, I used to be in a pool of thoughts and all these activities used to just happen unawarely. Now, I direct my awareness to all aspects of my being - all my physical activities as well as mental thoughts.

Aug 29, 2009
Being an observer is a suble activity and involves lot of constant conscious will to be an 'observer' all the while rather than being a participant. At most of the instances in life, specially if one is putting up in a social setup and interacting with people (I'm sure that this setup exists for everyone. Even if one is not in a setup of family, interactions as such can't be avoided. However, one can then easily choose whom to interact with and whom to not), one can easily slip. This is because of complexity involved in human interactions and communications. About 3 months ago, I tried to be a silent observer ie let each event just pass (witness) it. Tried not to get involved. But later I realized after about 2 and a half months that every shock and the detail which I did not like, was actually weakening for me and my observer status didn't help. Each shock was being stored in my awareness and was blocking it. Had a severe emotional breakdown just before going for a holiday. At that moment, I was 'scared' of everything. All my existence. I'd been too much on a 'giving' side to every single individual in my life. As a result every individual expected me to do the adjustment bit and lead my life according to others (this I realized as a problem statement). I tried to cater to this by 'reacting' first ie fighting and verbal confrontations and adjustments. But then realized that too much of it was actually causing stress for me. So, started being a silent observer by detaching myself from each state and not reacting. I drew my boundaries and tried to live 'within' myself rather than participating in events. But this was being stored in my awareness and was grossly 'weakening' for me. Thus, I was lead to a severe emotional breakdown one fine day. I felt 'scared' of interacting with any individual. Looking at the newspaper scared me. The table scared me, every single individual scared me. So, I kind of collapsed.
I had to take a full tablet of Alprax 2.5 mg (which I don't take but is prescribed by doctors widely and is being taken by 2 family members). Slept for about 3 hrs. When I woke up that day, I felt that I'm now growing old and my body will soon get weaker day by day. I've really entered the old age and I might have a heart attack.
Luckily, that was a time for holiday and I went there. Despite all these emotions, I enjoyed each moment and was rejuvinated despite of the odds present during holiday time also.
Turmoils have always been a part of my life, but this time I decided to overcome the situation of emotional drowning which was happening despite of my clarity sphere, power walking, core star visualization, grouding post, lying down (alexander technique), being a silent observer.
Then, to cater to a particular state, I found the following:
- state will always be there as this is the reason we are incarnated.
- state involves a thought and this thought affects our what is ie this thought has an actor, associated interactions, emotions, reaction, result of the reaction, alternative possibilities and reaction to a reaction
- so being a silent observer is fine, but it needs more to come out of 'habitual responses'.
Thus:
- be aware of a state (this should not be just a thought coming to mind but the broader events or aspects in what is that have resulted in the thought. ie have a bird's eye view. This is not an analysis or a conceptualization. But it does help in tracking the root of the thought can this thought can then be dealt with appropriately.
- be aware of the interactions
- witness what your own ordinary mind wants or how it reacts to a state
- before it becomes a reaction, see the possiblities as shown by the ordinary mind
- use energy testing to find out the best possible alternative
- excercise your conscious choice
- then put to grounding post and clarity sphere all that is an illusory reality which already existed while the state was coming to you or which was caused in the process of execution of the state.
So, there has to be an addressal to each and every aspect of the state as while being alive and while interacting with environment, stress is built and if not addressed properly (by only witnessing), it can cause serious damage. I think that a point comes when no stress is built and one remains just as an observer of all the phenomina.

ale

Composite being

July 23, 2009
As far as I can ascertain, I am all awareness. In the present incarnation, this awareness is limited to my current situations and surroundings. But this awareness is the key to my existence. ie I have come into being because of deposits of some radiations from this awareness, which constitute my 'what is'. Now, what is composite me? If I let go of the notion of physical and non physical aspects, what are the attributes that are in my awareness and have resulted me in being me (incarnated)?

1) Awareness

2) Radiations from awareness and their deposits - constitutes my what is - the digitized kind of data that carries my events

3) My physical body that has been formed as a result of my attributes. This is a vehicle for carrying on the requsite events for me.

4) After formation of body, awareness gets a medium of expression for the what is. This awareness relays all interactions and events in my life as states of being ie my what is. So, states are essentially a relay of what is happening in my present time. This relay is done by awareness. But how I react to the state ie direct my reaction to what area of the brain (creative adaptive or reptile), all depends on how alligned I am with my awareness. How alligned I am with awareness - grounding

5) Certainly grounding ie how aware I am about my being - my states of being (emotions, etc), my physical surroundings, whats going on in my own body. All the recordings of all interactions between my thoughts and my physical being, between myself and rest of the existence are recorded in this awareness only. It is transformation in this awareness that causes my physical state to change.

6) Apart from this, what all is going on in my entire awareness ie what else does the awareness (composite not only of me) contains. This is however, an expanded state and comes only after one has lived with awareness and is sufficiently grounded.

7) Attention - How I am able to utilize and decipher the aspects in my awareness.

August 11, 2009

Awareness is also just an aspect. I think awareness is the aspect that causes duality and therefore, life. Awareness limits itself for illuminating a state (thus it is called mind or whatever). This awareness is of a limited degree in animals, trees, and even human beings. There is no awareness at all in things such as rocks, etc. This means that awareness itself is a radiation or a may be a product of arising of a state in consciousness. Consciousness is all complete - without any difference between experience and the experiencer ie it is non-dual. Awareness can still be dual. As far as I can see it, duality arises with awareness, obviously of my own self and not my self. Thus, I begin to distinguish between experience and the experiencer. So, raw or fundamental consciousness has no differentiation. But does this imply that this aspect of consciousness is unaware or does it imply that awareness is complete as there is no duality and obviously there is complete awareness of each and every aspect?

What is Awareness?

July 09, 2009
Awareness is wrt being aware (or paying attention - so attention is another aspect of consciousness) of oneself as well as the contacts one encounters. Being aware of oneself involves the thought processes and the physical state one is in. In addition, awareness means knowing what all you are in contact of. For example, while sitting in a lawn, you are aware of grass, plants, flower pots, trees, state of leaves of plants, the animals like cat, mouse, ants, etc. These contacts are separated by a boundary that limits but does not exclude. So, composite awareness is the fact that you yourself are a part of each contact and each contact is a part of you. But there is a boundary (physical and mental) around each contact, which limits us and does not let us experience the composite awareness, until we are able to sufficiently ground our awareness and pay attention to the current moment.

July 30, 2009
Since past one week, I seem to come to relate to what Philip says 'we all don't have a mind. We are all awareness. Mind is there for us because we think it exists.' This is so true! While walking about 2 days back, I could perceive myself as the space in which every aspect existed. The trees, cars, people approaching, etc. So, at that point of time, I did not feel that I am a separate mind, but all the aspects that I am seeing, hearing, smelling are a part of me - the space. At that point of time, reality seemed to be so simple to me - as though it is nothing to strive for. It simply is! It is so simple that everything is just one me - call it space or awareness. In that oneness, there was love - which was embracing everything.
In fact, simply being in the present moment and being attentive to present moment or observing what is happening in the present moment (whether it is my body movements, my thoughts, beings interacting with me or whatever), I can most readily be my real self. For example, (I don't really say that this has ended, but still has declined) when I am feeling disgusted or irritated or a thought passes by my mind to remind me of something that has happened in the recent past, I now try to set it off - I say to myself that I'll process this thought in a creative adaptive manner instead of reptilian manner, which makes me get submerged into the ocean of thought and the resultant loop of emotions and reactions. At times, I've found that processing the thought in this way, I realize that what has occurred is past. At the present moment, there is no such issue. So, why to hang on with past experience. The present moment is that of peace. So, be in this moment rather than being with thought. This way, loop of the thought is broken and I'm at peace with myself. Even if there is a possibility of worst occurrence in future time, which the thought is trying to tell me, I'll deal with it then - in an appropriate manner, if at all need be. So, why build a mole hill for myself?

But still, I think I submit it to grounding post procedure because until I directly perceive the reality, any impression that my wordly interactions and existence build in my awareness - I will not accept.

Manifestation inception

Jun 6, 2009
Consciouness is a constant flow. Since its a flow, it involves spaciousness. Awareness, an aspect of consciousness can't be static and is all pervading ie it is a flow. From this basic consciousness, there are radiations, such as love, peace, joy. These radiations flow along with awareness. When these radiations deposit at a particular space in consciousness, there arises a mind.

When mind arises, flow of awareness continues but because of accumulation, incarnation takes place, depending on the kind of accumulation (whether that of a human being, animal, etc). Since incarnation involves mind (which is nothing but an accumulation), the awareness of mind is limited to the contents of the deposit and not that of composite awareness. With interaction between other incarnations and overall environment involving matter and thought forms (undissolved thought forms), mind continues to become thick and there forms a soul.

At the time of completion of a particular incarnation, mind again has to undergo a process of transition and dissolve itself again into its source consciousness. If it is able to do so, consciousness has got rid of the accumulations to a large extent. At that particular space where a piece of mind originated and incarnated, another incarnation may be needed to cleanse the accumulation completely. But whether in form of basic mind or a programmed soul, it depends on the accumulations/impressions that the incarnated has made on itself.
That is why it is said "Consciousness has no beginning and no end". True. This flow can't have any beginning or end.

That is why when a person gets enlighted, s/he is able to perceive herself/himself as a space in which all experiences arise and dissolve. At the spaces where that particular experience (mind) has incarnated, the enlighted individual perceives as that incarnation. At the space which is free of any incarnation at the moment, the individual experiences peace and all the aspects and radiations of the base consciousness.

Daily checklist for grounding myself

May 15, 2009

My own clear mind project:

What I can do to balance (ground) 'physical' awareness with mental awareness:
1. Being aware of each and every movement of my body organs.
2. Being observant of body patterns or habits and then letting them consciously go.
3. Eat foods that are suitable for me rather than going by urge (major urges include chocolates, ice-creams, cakes). My major in between meals filler is biscuits whereas its better to subsitute it with fruits.
4. Watching out for all allergies my body carries.
5. Being observant of pains that are taking place in various organs of my body.
6. Effect of any particular medicines that I use on my body.
7. No. of hours that I have slept on a particular day.
8. People whom I meet on a particular day
(i) Thoughts that I get when I meet those people
(ii) What each person said to me
(iii) What I took as the meaning of what that person conveyed to me
(iv) Was there any expected outcome from the interaction?
(v) What was the actual outcome of the interaction?
9. Broadly, what thoughts passed my mind on that day?
(i) Grounding post needed for a thought?
(ii) Am I drifting away with a particular thought?
(iii) What has been my prevailent mood for a particular day?
(iv) Which person caused major stress for me for a particular day?
(v) What did my mind suggest to me when I bought a particular object?
(vi) Have I tuned in that purchase to the CS for environmental stress clearing?
(vii) What affirmations have I used on a particular day? Does any affirmation needs to be repeated (check mind reactions wrt affirmations that I've already made using CS)

(viii) What fears did I encounter on a particular day? What steps did I take to overcome that fear?

(ix) What made me go into emotional state of anger? What steps did I take to come out of that emotional state of anger?

(x) Relationships: What expection did I have today from a particular relative? What was actual outcome? What was my reaction? What was that person's reaction? How do I modify my behaviour wrt to that person?

I know that some emotions I might not be able to overcome with any checklist. These emotions include fear, anger, repulsion. I can use the clarity sphere for this purpose. But then, I think for fear its very difficult to eradicate with just this. For example, I have morbid fear of heights. Can't even look down from second storey of a building. Then do what? I think, consiously look down from a roof top and be there for sometime till this fear goes away.

Then, when I go for a holiday this time, I'll do para gliding and open my eyes when I go up. Keep my eyes open so that I awarely fight the fear of height and sea. This might ground my awareness wrt fear of heights.

Jun 11, 2009:

I could not go for para sailing because I had to be with kids while Amod was doing the same activity. Was awaiting my turn but Amod only returned in approx 3.5 hrs and it was time for us to leave. Also, I do admit that I was fearful of the rough sea and the height. But was in Goa only for 3 days. Had I got some more time to get accustomed to the sea, I could have overcome this fear of mine. Also, I have done para sailing some yrs back when I was newely married. Was fearful at that time also, but managed well. This time, we had lesser time to be on the sea. Anyways, life will not stop here...Neither I should be dependent on any activity for full grounding. Am trying to achieve it, anyways.

Part II:

Compile daily findings to build a weekly report. Generate action items from this weekly report, for the next week. Compile all weekly reports for a particular month and the action items along with actual results to track down actual progress.

Jun 09, 2009

Observation:

I've observed that now a days I get a feeling of spaciousness ie I am a part of all expansive space. My awareness is all this space, which is unlimited so there is a suggestion of a flow of awareness. In this case, to let awareness flow in an unobstructed manner, I need to keep myself free of stress and disturbance in mind as this causes my awareness to get stuck. So, without saying a word, holding intents with appropriate visualizations seem to be helpful. [This might be a visualization also but may lead to creation of an astral realm around me. So, am zapping this notion also so that this only serves purpose of grounding and expanding my awareness and not getting stuck with the notion of flow of awareness being everything].

For example,

(i) Coming out of an emotional state:

Complete deep breathing; visualization of awareness extending beyond my core ie mindspace and also awareness passing through that state, swallowing, stretching

(ii)Tuning a particular environmental stress to clarity sphere:

Since my mindspace is tuned to the CS, when I am outside my home, I hold an intent that "I am free of all disturbing aspects (be it ES, people, location, my own thoughts, physical condition). My awareness is unobstructed.

Whatever new item that enters the house or all contacts I meet, I hold my intent to tune that contact/item with the CS via my mindspace. Also, have tuned the CS to the fact that all my intents using my mindspace are as effective as using the CS when the CS is not in sight.

(iii) Keep zapping all illusionary realities that are causing concern or their happening might cause concern.

(iv) Clear mindspace of all negative aspects: Visualize the mindspace being cleansed. All interactions, thoughts or all inputs getting dissolved and transformed into healthy energy for my entire existentence (ie awareness that spreads in all directions beyond my bodily presence). All deformities (accumulations that can cause problems in later life) are being healed and transformed into healthy energy. All existing body problems are being healed (Best done with clarity sphere in hand).

States of Being

20th April, 2009

The underlying experiences for a particular incarnation are experienced by the incarnation in form of 'states'. These states are nothing but 'what is' coupled with the current life situations of the incarnation in question. The states keep changing with the changes in life situations also. In other words, these states are a combination of fixed and variable attributes for an incarnation.

When an incarnation encounters these states, for the first time reaction to these states is simultaneous and the outcome is positive or negative, whatever. The incarnation has had no pre-occupation with these states till the first time they were encountered. But after the first time, 'thoughts' start generating about that state. Here starts a loop. For example, thoughts try to modify the experienced state with possibilities about how the event/state could have occurred in an alternative manner and what all new events could be generated from this. Most of the time, thoughts are regarding the 'alternative expected results' that could be achieved from the state. By and large, this is 'living in the past' trying to speculate about possibilites in a particular state.

A preoccupation with these thoughts starts involving 'emotions' to that thought, which then are generate 'reactions'. For example, if a state was experienced with irritation, next time such state is encountered in form of 'anger' and the reaction to the same can be violence or a verbal fight, whatever. Reactions are then followed with action ie whatever an incarnation finds itself to be forced to do in order to pacify itself from this reaction related load/stress. This action is followed by a result of the action. This can be good or bad (we call this karma also). So, the loop is - states, thoughts, emotions, reactions, action, result.

However, such a loop of state, thoughts, emotion, reaction and result does not need to be undergone as this is tiresome and plays down on the overall well being of a particular incarnation. The state just needs to be 'observed' and it should be allowed to pass by without being attached the emotion and thereby acting unreasonably. For a state, an incarnation can choose to get detached from the thoughts thereby breaking the loop. For example, if we see a child playing on stairs, it is possible that s/he falls. So we can try to stop her/him from playing on stairs and provide an alternative place for the play rather than stopping the play all together.

When thoughts arise for a particular state, they should be allowed to pass by without getting attached to them because attachment generates emotions and reactions.

This attachment can be overcome by reverting to the core. All the negetive thoughts (about something that has occurred or can occur) can be then 'transformed' into positive vibrations for positive states by visualising a sequence of events which are positive and strengthening for living beings. Again, allow this visualization to just pass by in the mind space without getting attached to it because attachment is itself negative. If something seemingly positive has happened due to a state, then also allow it to just pass by being a mere observer rather than being attached to it and longing for more.

Positive steps for self realization

Positive steps:
The main weapon that the dark force has used to lure mind is 'attachment'. This attachment has many forms:
- attachment to family/relationships/ people
- attachment to financial aspects
- attachment to any notion of freedom

The list is even more exhaustive. But all these are subsets of one main feeling 'attachment to an emotion'. When one gets involved in an emotion, s/he blocks her/his entire awareness in that emotion. For example, when one is angry, s/he conducts an act of violence because of his/her attachment to the feeling of anger. When too much of awareness gets trapped in the feeling of anger, violence keeps increasing and can lead to more severe negetive acts like killings.
Another example of attachment to emotional status is fear. When we are afraid of something, our awareness is too much focussed on fear itself rather than the act through which we can come out of that fear.
Emotional attachment can be overcome in one way by grounding one's awareness wrt a particular emotion. Ie rever to the core. If there is too much of anger and this may lead to violence, bring your awareness to the wider aspect ie FC or consciousness as being the core of all. Then the anger fades away. When one's energy is being wasted by indulging into thoughts of past and possibilities arising therefrom, one can again revert to the core. After sometime, a person will be able to distinguish his/her own deeply originated thoughts from those that are being conveyed by the dark force.

Grounding post needed?

Mar 21, 2009

As I've observed, the dark force does tend to interfere physically as well as non physically all the time. I've been having tough times (in terms of emotions) in my current physical scenario. Sometimes, I tend to break up and the phenomia stays for a long time. I feel depressed, deprived and irritated with everything in life. Don't find any ideal situation in life and feel that is this really the experience I've come to take in life? Isn't my awareness limited? But then whatever is is. I can also feel spasms in my abdomen and some other parts of body.

But I peacefully observe everything. When thought arises, I'm the thought ie my entire awareness is on the thought. But then, I try to withdraw this awareness and focus it again on my core - which is transparent or white and is not liquid, but something semi liquid in my perception. When I lie down, I try to appease my mind of all the accumulated emotions, hurts and traumas. I revert to core and observe the thought pass by. Today, I observed something new. I felt as if I'm becoming light - not bodily but in my mind, in terms of its strong trauma feelings - these feelings were leaving me. So felt light and felt something as if my mind were air. Now, need to vigil as to whether this feeling is true or some trap dark force is setting for me. This might be one of its steps to create a further realm for me. I'll do a grounding post on this, but really need to figure out if there is a way I could determine if astrals were working or I as core am working. If I submit every abnormal feeling to the grounding post, then also I'll be able to progress it seems as there is nothing to loose - only that I don't form a notion regarding anything. What the truth is - is! I can't change it. So, it doesen't need my notion to manifest. So I think I should submit this notion to grounding post. Right!

Aspects of Consciousness

16/03/09

Consciousness has different aspects to it - These are:

• Pure consciousness itself
• mind
• physical reality

Out of these, consciousness is the state without duality - the real existence. Rest all are illusions or creations done by consciousness.

Apr 22, 2009

Levels of consciousness:

Different levels exist in consciousness - physical (involving mind) and the observer/pure level is currently known level to me. Consciousness is the metaspace in which all experiences arise and manifest. At the physical level of experiences, there is a sense of duality or me being separate from you due to existence of mind. But this mind can be transcended while being alive, to open up to the ultimate level of consciousness, which is a non-dual state. This state is that of the observer.

At pure level of consciousness, there is no division. Each and every experience is a composite. There is no distinction between good, bad, right or wrong. For example, fear is absolute. There is no distintion between fear and one 'experiencing' fear. Here, only fear exists. So, there is no fright or reaction generated from fear. Similarly, if something is humorous, humour itself exists and there is no reaction of laughter from this.

Implications:Consciousness is a cumulative of all experiences that arise. But in pure state of consciousness, the reaction is lacking. Reaction is a construct of ordinary mind. Most of the time, reaction is the cause of untold miseries in the world. This reaction or action is generated
because of an incarnation's being attached to a particular aspect of experience loop. Experience loop is as follows: state (experience in question, thoughts, emotions, reactions, action, result).

Query:If at one particular level of consciousness, there is non-duality or a state where all experiences are alike, how is 'composite experience' perceived? ie there are several experiences like fear, humour, anger, fatigue - how is the composite of all experiences felt if there is no duality? Fear is there, humour is there and so forth. It seems that in pure consciousness, there is just 'information or data' regarding an experience. It seems to be a syntax without execution. This syntax also contains derived results wrt execution of each loop of a particular state/experience.

When one is in a state of pure consciousness, one perceives all experiences or illusions as arising within itself, right...But is that it? Consciousness is either a syntax or execution of the syntax and its results? ie is it just 'being' and 'becoming'? Is it just a metaspace withing which all experiences arise or there is something else to it?

Apr 23, 2009

Consciouness is all or unfragmented awareness - which is aware of every aspect (this suggest that awareness is one of the components in consciousness and there are other aspects too like experience is another component). For each experience or incarnation, the level of awareness varies. For example, awareness in a tree is different from that in a cow and is different in an elephant, monkey and human being. Of all, human being is most aware. But again, due to experience that needs to be undertaken, there exists a mind. Mind is a fragment of whole ie entire awareness. Each mind is a fragment of that whole awareness. Fragments of awareness work on the principle of 'knowlegde' ie on basis of past experiences ie on basis of things which have already occurred in the past and since fragments work on basis of knowledge, a fragmented mind always seeks security by living in the past ie thinking about what had happened in a particular experience and from that it desires what all 'could have happened'. This forms a loop of possibilities. When a particular possibility becomes a strong desire, ie that the thought energy is strong enough (because mind is now attached to that very desire or thought) to generate a corresponding action, a being conducts that particular action. So, today if we see that current civilization is a civilization of trials and errors which are repetitive and so, most human beings are similar to each other because they are caught in the same loop (current belief in astral world also enforces this behaviour of living in boundaries).

If I talk in terms of only consciousness minus manifestation in this aspect of consciousness, consciousness is experiences that are observed (either as a fragmented observation or as a composite observation). But then, what are the other aspects of consciousness apart from awareness and experiences?

I don't know as of now. Love is definitely one of this aspect as without love, a composite status is not possible. Absence of love is suggestive of a scenario where consciousness itself is divided. Being non dual is possible only when there is love for each and every aspect of my existence. But the point here is am I currently observing my own existence or working as a fragmentation or a whole? ie is my awareness fragmented? In that case, one fragment perceiving all other fragments will never be possible. So, I have to perceive as the whole -

OK. Will include an affirmation for myself and use clarity sphere to reinforce the same - The illusionary reality in which I am a fragment of consciousness and I am perceiving myself to be that fragment.

Still, if experience is one of the aspects in me? What are my other aspects? Manifestation is only one of my aspect. What are my other aspects where there are no experiences or apart from that perception that I am the one in which all experiences originate and dissolve, what else comprises me?

One thing that strikes my current awareness is that all those levels of consciousness (rather aspects) where there is no incarnation or manifestion, that is fresh consciousness or consciouness without any impression. What is that state of mine?

On observation of my physical surroundings, I see so many unaware things - stones, metals, rivers, water, minerals, gases, so forth. What role do they play? They are supporting life or creation that's fine. But is that it? That is their only role? They seem to be 'physical observers' or non participators in creation. I think while observing, they do pick up thought impressions and gradually do develop a mind. But why were they at the first place?

Pseudo thoughts - where interference arises?

Mar 04, 2009
At what level do parasitic lost souls/entities interfere with a manifestation?
a) At the chord level (chord that connects mind to FC)
b) At memory level
For sure they can't interfere at chord level as dark minds are undissolved minds. So, they consider themselves different from FC. In fact, they don't even have access to the chord level of FC. Even their awareness is limited and struck at a particular experience or attachment. This means they put in or parasitically infuse their memory at the mind level. Mind has two sets of attributes - planned and actual. They attach themselves to the planned attributes and try to highjack a manifestation's awareness to experience what they want. Now, one more question:

Do these lost minds with stuck awareness have the chord attached to them as they are not yet dissolved?
Certainly, chord is there as everything is a part of FC and if a mind has not got dissolved, it can't go anywhere else but be in FC. Then, this means that with the ending of manifestation, energy supply has been cut. Awareness is still trapped. So, exactly what is the weak point from which these undissolved minds come into contact with living manifestations?

Apr 09, 2009
According to my current understanding, there is no chord connecting mind with FC. FC is one main component. When there arises a mind in FC, it just a part of FC or 'mindspace' as Philip refers to it. In the vast metaspace ie FC, there arises an experience or mind. This mind dissolves into FC when incarnation has taken the relevant experiences. If it doesen't, there forms a soul which does not easily get dissolved. This soul is a part of consciousness, right. But it has lost its true identity by getting 'attached' to some aspects. Here confusion enters.
Attachment is nothing but a thought form. These thought forms which are different from 'nature of FC' - love, peace, joy are mass of confusion or programming, one can say. These thought forms are alligned with the dark force, which came into being by the similar process (ie existence of desires or thought forms). Since mind of each incarnation is integrated (ie FC itself is the main component, due to which each and every incarnation is affected because of the 'observer' status FC undertakes or one can say that FC itself is the universal mind because by way of intuition, FC does keep warning its own incarnated form). When the thought forms interfere (because these thought forms are also existing in consciousness only and are not yet dissolved) with the genuine messages of FC to its own incarnation, then there is a communication gap and the ridge between the incarnated form and non incarnated form of FC deepens due to lack of knowlege and astral realms keep getting stronger.

Awareness/Mind - Componsition

Mar 2, 2009
Just as consciousness is composed of different aspects, ordinary mind, which forms as a result of rising of an experience, is also composed of different aspects. Basically, ordinary mind is a derivation of FC and has all powers of FC. But these powers as subdued or limited due to the kind of experience that has to be witnessed. Components of mind:
a. Awareness : to begin with, limited to manifestation's own needs and surroundings. This is of two types: physical and non physical (thoughts). Awareness depends upon the energy flow from FC ie the main channel. It keeps decreasing as the channels of communication and interaction between FC and mind are narrowed.
In awareness (non physical aspects), there is a portion reserved for communications also. These communications are comprehended again by the awareness. This comprehension is very essential for the effective functioning of a manifestion. There is also a channel dedicated for communication between ordinary mind and FC.
b. Memory: this is memory related to a particular manifestion. Memory is again of two types: planned ie what is and actual result.
All the other components are under FC's own purview.
Awareness: Essentially, it is of two types : physical ie the surroundings and non physical ie thought forms. Mostly, physical aspects take place as a result of thoughts harboured by a person. An aware mind is able to utilize energy provied by FC in a healthy way, thereby entire body and mind stays healthy.When awareness is whole, mind merges with fc and manifestation is enlighted.
But when other minds interact with a manifestation, they can have place their thoughts/memories in awareness of the manifestation. They can't take the entire awareness. But they do have a place in the 'communication channel' of awareness. This is the part of awareness they try to highjack and make good use to cause maximum damage to the manifestation. Using this channel, the dark minds try to block communication between the manifestation and the living world as well as between manifestation and the FC. As a result, the manifestation drifts away from the real nature and 'what is' and starts running after unachievable materialistic goals, lust, power, conrol, sex and all other human problems. When the entire channel of communication is distorted, the manifestation becomes less aware (as it is not able to comprehend its experiences ) and becomes a slave to the dark force and is used as an instrument to spread the negetive agenda.
A new realization:
Ordinary mind has only one component: memory. Even awareness is not its own direct aspect. This, it derives, from FC. To begin with awareness is limited to physical aspects and the thoughts that are directly related to the experience that needs to be gained. But since FC is all awareness, this limitation of awareness can be overcome and it can be extended to all purvading status. When FC lends awareness to mind, it lends for the following purposes:
1. Communication with other manifestations, which is via thoughts (specific to manifestation), spoken words, thoughts (related to surroundings - both aspects physical and non physical
2. Communication with itself (FC)
3. Comprehension of the communication
Dark minds put their thoughts of memories in the channel of communication related to the existence and FC. These thoughts are then manipulated to make the manifestation feel that it is separate from everything - existence as well as FC. This causes sefishness and drive towards negetive aspects. Awareness gets distorted.
Awareness - physical - Mainly, this awareness comprises the sense organs, which again are the channels of communication between mind, body and outside world. So, basic organs of awareness are:
eyes, nose, ears, tongue, skin, private parts of the body.
Awareness of the internal organs is also there. But unfortunately, it is in form of pain. When a part of body feels an alien component (the pain), only then we come to know about its existence. The dark minds place pseudo thoughts relating to these sense organs as well to control a manifestation. This is why dark mind interference focusses so much on visual displays (eyes), smells (nose), hearing voices (ears), tastes in illusionary realities (tongue) (people eating food when they are out of body or when they are assumed to be dead, but come back alive), the actual 'feel' of any part of the body which does not belong to a manifestation (skin), private parts being attacked using the energy of the living manifestations.
This means, self realization methods should be also specially focussed on all the sense organs (just like energy eye movements).

Apr 21, 2009
Awareness, just like love, is an integral part of FC. FC is all awareness ie awareness of its own entire being. When a mindspace develops, because of the activity going on in the mind for experiences required for a particular manifestation, awareness is not composite or all as it is limited to experiences or states of being for a particular manifestation. From non-duality (true nature of FC) arises duality where an incarnation perceives itself separate from all other incarnations due to existence of separate minds encapsulating 'what is'. Here also, it is not necessary for an incarnation to remain in a state of forgetfullness of its real nature. Only awareness needs to be there for that real state. (So above, where I've mentioned regarding channels of communication between FC and mind, it doesen't seem to be right. FC and mind are composite awareness. But mind is in a state of limited awareness because of the 'state of being' details it needs to execute. So, from non-dual state there arises a state of duality).
Aspects of awareness in dual state (ie in a state of manifestation) are as follows:
a) awareness of the physical body: via sense organs and awareness of internal organs (mostly experienced when there is an illness in any part of body. This can be overcome by directing awareness to each and every part of the body and thus 'connecting' to the unseen aspects of one's own physical body. Here, ordinary mind does not play a major role but awareness itself, which is a composite of FC plays a role.
b) awareness of thoughts that arise in one's mindspace: Ordinary mind generates thoughts regarding experiences that are lined up for execution ie for action by the incarnation. Not all experiences are illuminated. Only those experiences for which action is taken, which again depends on the environment in which an incarnation is executing, are illuminated. Here, there is a 'wishful thinking' and 'what is'. 'Wishful thinking' has some role in shaping up 'what is' as mind is the creator when incarnated. (I need to find out what are criteria for execution of a particular state of being. The variable aspects of state of being keep changing wrt to the operable environment of the incarnation in question. However, the basic attributes remain more or less constant unless they are changed by the energy ie will power of the incarnation). Here, dark force interferences need to be constantly monitored again by directing one's awareness to the thoughts that arise to ensure that incarnation is able to carry on its what is without being interfered unneccesarily by other minds.

c) awareness of physical surroundings: This includes awareness of the physical surroundings in which incarnation is operating. For example, the house where incarnation is currently placed, the places where its visiting ie essentially current 'what is' of the physical surroundings ie if driving, the car and its cleanliness, the steering wheel, traffic approaching, state of roads, the path or way to be taken, music being played, people at the zebra crossing and so forth.

d) awareness of non physical aspects: A detailed and comprehensive awareness of thoughts that are undergoing in an incarnation. Here, the incarnation is able to differeciate between

(i) the thoughts that are arising as a result of its state of being
(ii) and the thoughts which have arisen in the mindspace because of the thought patterns of the dark force (ie thought forms stuck in the astral subreality) and
(iii) the thought forms which have slipped in the mindspace because of interactions with minds of other living incarnations.
(iv) thoughts or messages which are conveyed by the composite non dual mind which is FC itself because in incarnated form, if FC is able to manifest itself fully bypassing ordinary mind, FC comes to the driving seat for that particular incarnation rather than the ordinary mind.

e) awareness of the interaction with non living things: such as metals and their effect on the mind and physcial body (for example, chlorine gas and its effect on thought patterns and skin, eyes, hair etc). Non living things also pick up thought patterns of incarnations and form stress sources for the incarnation in question. They also have a chance of being possessed by lost human consciounesses. Awareness of one's living space and surroundings and the places visited is very important to ensure that stress is not accumulated.

May 15, 2009
Consciousness comprises various aspects. Ordinary mind is one of the aspects of consciousness. Since ordinary mind is one of the aspects of consciousness, it is able to perceive only what is meant for the incarnation in question and finds it very difficult to overcome the security (physical and mental), which are required to appropriately function.
An incarnation always has 'awareness', which remains limited to the security issues of body and mind when one is an infant. Due to this security consideration, the incarnation starts functioning in a limited span and it becomes habitual of such functioning. Awareness available to ordinary mind for all incarnations is thus affected as it gets limited.
Awareness is both in terms of body as well as mental (thoughts etc). But mostly, while incarnated, the manifestation finds it difficult to gain proper control of its own thoughts and gets trapped in states of being, thereby falling in further whirlpool of reations, actions (karma stuff). There is no proper awareness of thoughts and body. As a result, the incarnation works within its limited utilization of actually limitless awareness (available to human beings).
Awareness can be expanded by directly perceiving as all pervasive awareness itself. This state is possible for manifestation when it is properly grounded or when there is a balance between mind and body working. This means that the mind is 'aware' of each and every body movements and acitivities and the body (ie brain) is aware of what is going on in mind. When brain detaches itself from all the thoughts that are passing by and just remains aware, it starts communicating with all pervasive awareness rather than just ordinary mind's awareness.

Mind - Consciousness Relationship

25/02/2009
According to my understanding, following are the components of consciousness:
a) awareness - all pervading, present at all times
b) memory - memory, which keeps track of each and every experience.
c) ordinary mind - is created when an experience arises
d) power of creator - FC has the power/mechanism to illuminate the experiences held in mind by giving a physical body to the experiences encapsulated in mind.
e) providing 'energy' to the manifestation so that it is able to carry out its tasks.
f) observer status - this is created as a result of ordinary mind coming into existence. FC keeps an 'observer' status in the manifest state. It allows ordinary mind to gain the experience it wants, without interfering. However, when the ordinary mind consents to merge with the all pervading awareness, then FC only works for the manifestation instead of ordinary mind. When a person reaches enlightenment, s/he actually gains the experience of being the one in all and all in one.
For FC, the 'awareness' status and 'memory' status is always there (memory is there because of awareness only). For the purpose of manifestation, FC illuminates the experience by creating a body associated with the mind in question. It takes a back seat by holding on to the 'observer' status for a particular experience.
This ordinary mind also stores data in memory locations. For a particular experience, there are basic attributes as well as derived attributes (which are a result of manifestation interacting with other manifestations in this world). This means for each basic attributes (planned attributes) in memory location of mind, there are derived attributes (actual results), which are located in memory locations corresponding to the basic/planned attributes. These derived attributes, when go uncontrolled, there is a major shift from 'what is' or the basic attributes of a particular manifestation. Here problem arises. The derived attributes keep on multiplying endlessly and the manifestation is not able to experience them in the incarnation in question. Due to mind's attachment to these derived attributes and forgetting of its 'composite' status, it is not able to dissolve itself in FC after leaving the body. This is also a reason for dark for thriving and this increases the chances of manifestation being ensared by dark minds or dark force after leaving the body as well as in the body. FC allows mind to rule the body and its mechanisms for a particular experience, so that it is fully experienced and mind has no other desire left.
After being incarnated, mind gets an impression of being separated from its roots as it is 'free' to choose its options and there is a limitation in its knowing its own true nature, of which it is a part. Here, there are two possibilites:
i) mind gets an impression that it is the only truth and gets attached to experiences of a particular incarnation. It forgets its 'all pervading' status. Such mind is not able to properly coordinate the energy, awareness with itself as well as the body and is prone to illness (both mental and physical. Such mind falls trap into karmic incarnations. This is because at the time of leaving the body, mind is not able to dissolve or dispose off iteself and its temporary experiences, which have anyways been recorded it its own larger whole - the FC. Here, it stays undissolved. But it does have access to information stored in FC. But power of mind is limited as its not getting a regular energy flow from FC. Ordinary lost minds have no energy at all in this state. But dieties and deemed gods etc, who are worshipped by live manifestations ooze out energy from these manifestations and use it for their selfish dark purposes. These energised dark minds can highlight experiences of the other lost minds using this available energy.
ii) mind keeps itself alligned with its basic attributes ie 'what is'. As a result, there is no wastage of energy on the derived experiences. Due to this, it is able to better coordinate the awareness and energy aspects between itself and the body. Such an incarnation normally stays healthy. The mind, because of its not drifting away, has the capacity of dissolving itself into all pervading awareness (FC) and incarnation reaches enlightenment. Even when mind leaves body for good, it disposes itself off into FC and there are no further incarnations.

Mind - composite or fragmented

24th Feb, 2009
Many times a question has come to my mind. Is it true that there is a separate mind for different aspects? Is it true that soul fragments exist? Even while doing the alexander technique, I tried to observe this phenominon. When I focussed on one part of body, I could sense some energy in that part of the body. For the rest of the body, at that time, it was as though nothing else existed, but that particular body part.
This means that there are two possibilties:
a) for each part of body or lets say each aspect of life then (emotions, etc) , there is a separate mind.
b) mind is same for everything. Difference lies in its application or awareness.
My energy testing is weakening for the first possibility and strengthening for the second. What makes the difference is awareness. When we direct our mind to a particular activity or part of body, we are focussing our awareness on that aspect. Most of the time, when we are living in physical body, we can mostly overcome all the blocks in awareness and come back to 'what is' because of underlying and unaltered principle, 'fundamental consciousness' and physcial phenomina that keep us occupied and demand our awareness to be directed to physical facts and reality. As one of the important aspects of FC is all awareness. This all awareness usually tries to get a manifestation in reality or what is state. It is only the ordinary mind, which, due to its own attachments, is not able to come to terms with 'what is'.
All that we experience is stored in two locations: our ordinary mind (vehicle for experience) and fundamental consciousness. Two possibilities:
a) When we are alive, the trauma material, which we cannot take care of is stored in different parts of mind. This causes blockages in mind and the particular memory that relates to trauma has an effect on our further experiences and actions (because mind travels both forward and backward to locate significant data for dealing with life situations). So, its not that a soul/mind is fragmented while we are living. But particular incident/trauma causes a blockage in mind, which in turn, even blocks the flow of energy to that particular location. This gives an impression that soul/mind is fragmented. This can affect the health of physical body. When the trauma feelings are so much that the manifestation cannot think of anything else, s/he cannot focus on other experiences/aspects of life and consider trauma only as the main involving fact/factor. In that case, there is complete shut down of energy to other aspects of life and all of it is spent or wasted on trauma only. This gives an impression that there are holes in non physical parts (mind).
Other explaination to this is:
Mind usually plans in advance its experiences in life (which are stored at one particular location). It reconciles these experiences with actual possibilities materialized (These are stored in corresponding location to planned experiences). Till the time this activity is being done, things are fine. But when this activity stops at one particular location or there is a missing actual recording or 'what is' when it materializes (due to the fact that awareness could not be directed to that particular task), there can be 'holes' in non physical parts. This does not mean that part of mind have fallen away. But it means that part of awareness was lacking. When mind is directed later to focus on those events (where holes can be sited), mind can direct awareness there. Then memory is upgraded and manifestation in question feels that lost parts have been integrated.
b) When we die with a truma or when we are ensnared by the dark force, the entire awareness of mind is trapped on that one particular incidence. At that time, unlike physical world, nothing else happens to bring us out of that trap. As a result, entire awareness is on that particular incidence only and that only seems to be true. The soul/mind remains in traumatised state till it further incarnates and finds out ways for its coming out of the trap. But if it can't, then while living also, consciouness is trapped in particular incidence and it seems as if different soul fragments are working.
However, one thing that I still need to figure out is:
Are mental, emotional and physical bodies different? Do all these compose mind?

Mar 4, 2009
I've come to an understanding that FC is all prevailant and all knowing. When it dispenses mind for a particular experience, the mind gets a status of 'part of' FC. It is part of FC means that the way our hands are part of our body, they are always there, but are not inside the body (the way heart, lungs, etc are). Hands, thus while working on something can get a feeling that they are composite whole if mind is able to focus its awareness on them.
When this mind is stuck out as a part of FC, there is a chord connected from FC to mind. This chord provides mind with attributes of FC, viz. awareness, energy. If mind is able to use the awareness properly, it merges with FC ie goes back inside it and then FC takes care of all aspects. The manifestation does not deviate from 'what is' as the planned experiences more or less remain in sync with actual experiences.
However, when mind is not able to direct awareness properly and gets sidetracked by wants and wishes and dark practices, problem arises. The actual attributes which still have to be experienced are a clean slate. But derived attributes keep increasing and so does confusions. Mind increasingly forgets the 'one with all' status and keeps running in its materialistic pursuits. As a result, awareness shrinks and so does energy. The chord connecting mind is not able to provide adequate energy due to blockages created by mind as a result of shut awareness. Lesser energy being supplied becomes even lesser when it is further wasted on mind's derived attributes, to which mind is giving undue weightage. Problem is further aggravated by dark force interference at mind level.
When mind is not able to experience the basic attributes for which it came into being, there comes a blank or hole in that attribute. When mind plans too many derived attributes and in reality, they do not occur due to non existence of possibilities, mind gets attached to them and gets a major part of its awareness stuck in these attributes. Here, more energy is being wasted and awareness is trapped. These places in mind become black. If a person dies in such state, s/he thinks that this is only what its incarnation represented. With only such thoughts, the parasitic souls or minds attack other souls/minds. So, I call the phenomina 'fragmented awareness' rather than 'fragmented soul'.

How/why manifestation?

Feb 18, 2009
Manifestation is nothing but an illumination of a particular experience. This experience is witnessed or observed by the FC. In physical world, FC plays a direct role in illumination of an experience.
But in the dark force, the experiences already stored in the FC + experiences in the ordinary mind of a manifestation are used. These are then illuminated by the dark force to create terror and trauma and force a soul to undergo karmic incarnations as a result of mind's own attachments to the dark practices.
Here, I have few queries:
Dark force is an intelligent force, which is capable of creating an experience it wants, using the stored information in mind and FC. The manifestation in question has to be intelligent enough ie should know the modus operandi of the dark force to be able to shield itself from the attacks (which ofcourse seem real to that particular level of consciousness).
If there is a dark force, there should be and there is, I know, the 'real force', which creates original experiences and illuminates them. This is the role of force. This force is again a part of FC. These experiences also are a illusion as when a manifestation takes place, one forgets the all knowing status as one gets associated with a body, mind and a limited brain power. What is this force? This force is capable of creating illusions, which are witnessed by FC. Is it really true that individual components of FC (ie the i-ness aspect), when free from effects of force can be in non-incarnated state forever? OR
In FC, there is nothing as different locations or individuality (as it is one without duality). Whenever, force, its component, wants to create an experience (for joy of being - which is both in physcial as well as non incarnated states), FC takes observer status for that incarnation. This means that one who is enlighted comes out of the clutes of 'force' in state of enlightenment. S/he is in pure awareness (or consciousness as FC as an observer knows all and FC in its databank has stored all information)...
Which of the two hypothesis is correct. The second one seems to be appropriate. But I'll not do energy testing on these for the time being. I'll wait and watch.
Suddenly, a new understanding:
Force and mind are the same thing. That is why when one is enlighted, s/he merges with pure consciousness and transcends mind. When one dies, mind is dissolved into FC. This suggests that force is same as mind. That is why when we surrender our ordinary mind to FC, FC takes over and we become the direct observer - the non doer, whereas mind is a doer. Force or mind is capable of creating illusions (physical/non physical) and is capable of alligning that 'consciousness' status with the illusion it creates.
That is how the dark force or minds which have not yet dissolved due to wrong intentions connects with other minds (which is again force) and is capable of creating non-physical illusions that seem true to a particular state of consciousness.

Feb 23, 2009
However, 'physical body' can't be made by mind because it is incomplete. Physical body can be created by Fundamental consciousness only. This is how illusion is created (comprising mind + physical body). [For illuminating a particular experience, FC waits for the right time and right circumstances. ]

Apr 2, 2009
FC contains experiences. But because of non-duality, it cannot 'react' to any experience or so to say a feeling. FC has itself become (due to number of manifestations) anger, fear, hope, joy, peace, violence, etc. But one prime factor FC has is love because love is its true nature ie love for itself. This love is only what lies in its unmanifest form. All other experiences lie unilluminated and there is no associated feeling with it. Because it can't react to these experiences which are a part of its nature, FC uses mind to illuminate these experiences. The reactions to these experiences are observed by it, using the mind principle. It is the mind which produces these reactions.

My core essence

Feb 17, 2009
I try to work out everything with my core essence these days. For finding out which food or item suits my kids, I assume that my core essence is expanding to reach theirs and then do energy testing on that particular food or item. After that, I visualize that my core essence is again back in me. But have to ascertain whether or not its safe to do so. My energy testing gives a 'strengthening' response.

My experiments and interferences

Feb 17, 2009
Its been many days since I've been sensing lot of astral interference in my energy system (around my nose, spinal cord, inbetween eye brows, crown). I observe this interference and then try to bring my mind back to my core essence. Then try to dissolve this odd energy around me in the core essence. But today, while doing the alexander technique, I was not successful. The interference was maximum in my energy system. I could first feel it in my spine, then point between my eye brows and then in my throat. But finally, I started doing eye energy movements. This did help. But off and on, interference comes back.
When I was doing power walking today, it was dark outside and I was the only one walking (it seems). Suddenly a deep fear came in my mind. As though footsteps following me and trying to take over me. I looked back. There was nothing. Again, started walking. But the fear creeped in. After completing my walk, I came in and tried this:
I said to myself: "The fear in my mind is submitting itself to my core essence. It is merging in my core essence, which is all powerful. This fear will not cause my mind to be hijacked when I die, so that I can dissolve peacefully. Then did tonglen breathing with this intend, as I did initially for dissolving the astral force.

Feeling

Am I a duty
or an experience
Am I a body or a thirst of mind
whatever may be
I am all
found true companion in this search
I will know it all and shall walk the path

Manifestation - Living this physical life

Feb 05, 2009
As far as I've observed, the main feeling for entire humanity is today - 'worry'. For every aspect of life, there is a feeling of worry or 'what if' attached. As a result, we deviate majorly from what is and become possessed with what if syndrome. This syndrome mainly comes as a result of lifestyle a person is leading. Mostly, every person wants to make things work as per his/her choice and expectation. He/she wants name, fame, glory ie in crux wants to be a controller rather than a facilitator or part. This has lead to many problems. Forcing others to believe what I think is right, without considering his/her choice or 'what is' for a particular incarnation.
i've come to understand one thing. 'What is' for one incarnation can never be same for another. That is why there is so much diversity. No two human beings even look the same. So, what's the use of getting just a 'point' across, rather than the whole concept? What I mean to say is that we as humans control so much. We want animals to behave the way we want them to. We criticize so much that we don't even know our limits and end up causing real 'emotional traumas'.
These are further accelerated by the dark force. So, as FC, I really need to remember the process of incarnation or incarnate without the fear of being born. Otherwise, the 'separation' feeling will haunt me forever and while being born, I'll always look for solace in company or solace in other manifestations. Will I achieve this? Otherwise, for ever, there will be issues of right, wrong, my religion superior to yours, my beliefs stronger and valid than yours...
Even in a small setup (a home) people don't let others exist. They want the entire space and say. As a result, cause damage to others. Is this the kind of manifestation FC wants today. ie not being able to co-exist with its own manifestations,which are nothing more than different experiences. I somehow have a strong belief that the dark force has come into existence as a result of feeling of separation. Due to this feeling, the beings want to dominate others rather than being a part of others.
Do I include this as an affirmation?

Healing/Intent?

31 Jan 2009
Yesterday my son had a severe cough and cold. He was coughing non stop. Having admistered all medicines, I did this:
Held a clear intent in my mind: Cough and cold, leave this body. Go away. Then messaged him a bit on his head, neck, chest and back. When he woke up, his cough had become less. Though I had used a nebulizer on him also, perhaps that worked. But normally, even the nebulizer takes time to work. Let me wait and watch if strong intent helps in recovery.
As with my daughter. She has been suffering from upset stomach, cough, cold, fever, ear infection and has been frequently falling ill since last 2 months. (I've observed that just like me, her system is sensitive to the kind of people around us. When the company is hostile and not favourable, the first thing that happens is stomach infection followed by fever and general lack of resistence). I've been taking good care of her, but did not try to heal her with my strong intent. Will include this for her and let me wait and watch the progress then.
But one thing is very clear: Neither am I a healer, nor a wisher (good or bad). Its only the core essence that works. I'm not attached to any result. Small experiments, small observations.
Though its not that I've got complete control on all my situations and emotional stuff as yet. Things do still get worse as its a recurrent phase. But now sometimes, I try this:
When the feelings of disgust, helplessness and loneliness grab me and heart starts pumping very fast and these feelings are on a constant rise, I feel as though a sea wave is rising. Then I kind of try to pull myself away from that intensity and 'come back' to my core essence. Amazingly, this has worked and I feel relieved. Intensity goes away. So, I have observed that I have to be willing to 'let go' of the feeling and not get attached to it. If I get attached to the feeling, I'm swayed away with it and can't be with my core essence.

Conflict - Whole side

Jan 30, 2009
When encountered in a particular situation, we just try to see the possible one to one interaction amongst individuals. But we lack the 'whole picture'. We are caught in catch 22 situation, lets say between person X and person Y. Gruadually, the conflict involves A, B, and C also. Now to resolve a particular situation, its necessary to see the 'whole picture' and not just flame conflict. When more people are involved, we can have a direct communication with the 'deepest aspects' of those people who are dragged into the conflict (are themselves not a part of it). Then visualize the deepest aspects to direct the involved minds into a positive vibration and balance.
Gradually, the whole conflict situation can be toned down and resolved using deepest aspect visualizations and communications.

Why need for astral realm now?

Jan 30, 2009
Mind (part of FC), while continuing its experiences in the physical world, comes across a number of situations (adverse/favourable). These situations compell the ordinary mind to crave for support. The support is first sought in the physical manifestations. But the state of affairs the world is in today, the physical manifestations of human species are always pre-occupied with their own interests. Though the human population is bursting, few are worthwhile of even exchange of words. Due to this, there is a dearth of 'human company'.
Then search begins for perfect company ie the God or any other non physical element. People today don't want to believe in non existence of higher consciousness because then immidiately they lose a true friend, who atleast listens or so to say 'dispenses the wishes'.
Due to dearth of company and sharing of real secrets (which exist in everyone's life), person starts praying or channelising.
Its difficult to control the astral situation (recourse to temples/churches...) till human population finds new methods of praying or making a 'wish' or 'confession' or 'blessing', in which s/he is an all powerful manifestation of FC, which does best for all involved.

Mind / Consciousness- Composition

22 Jan 2009
While doing Alexander technique, I found that physical organs involve an energy flow when they are focussed on. Does this mean that:
a) There is separate mind associated with each part of the body?
b) There is only one mind associated with the entire being but when focussed on one aspect/area (be it anything in life), associates itself with the aspect/area in question, being unconscious about the other aspects (that is how ordinary mind gets limited as it does not cross its limited approach.
I think (b) to be a more viable option.
I think that the limited approach can be overcome by delving into real observer ie FC.
a) FC is a mere observer or an 'intelligent observer'?
b) Does FC 'participate' in experiences in a particular incarnation or does it always stay silent just as a meek observer?
c) When total control is handed over to FC, how does life become?
One observation I have made:
While silently listening to the noises around me (sitting in garden at about 7:30 pm for 10-15 mins for about 4 days), I listened to each and every noise. Didn't participate, just listened silently (most of the time, ordinary mind was silent). One day, I had a feeling that my entire consciousness is being focussed on the noises and that it will 'shift' to the noises, making me part of it. Something in me (don't know ordinary mind or FC) held me back immidiately 'warning' me to be careful and not get carried away. I became alert and grounded again. What does this mean? Had FC participated 'intelligently' with its incarnation (me)?

Jan 23, 2009
My further observation tells that FC needs to have an 'observer' status (intelligent, if incarnation in question allows it to overcome the ordinary mind) and not 'participant' status because the number of experiences are so vast that if FC started participating in each, it itself will be wrecked. So, for purpose of taking and experience, its fine to have a temporary vessel in form of mind.
In afternoon, I was having intense feelings of irritation and hurt. For sometime, I felt intense feelings as they came to me. Then, I visualized that I am FC (infinite, transparent). Though the feelings didn't subside alltogether today, I felt a warmth inside me. It was a kind of 'relaxed' feeling without any botheration. All the time, I was aware of the unease I had. But still kind of relaxed. After sometime (as I have been doing healing from core essence visualizations), I felt that infinite rays (multicoloured) are radiating their warmth and strength (might be an illusion, though).

FC is aware of every experince/phenominon?

Jan 19, 2009
Is every experience/phenominon already know by FC? ie everything that occurs is pre-planned and is destined to be that way?
FC is non dualistic in unmanifest form. So, in that form, it does not require anything at all. But it manifests because of the required experiences. When FC manifests, needs are generated because of flow of experiences. (FC is a silent 'obeserver' of all experiences. It allows mostly any 'possibility' to take place, depending on the kind of situation. Specific possibilities can be avoided by careful energy testing and some possiblities can be materialized using strong and clear intent and energy testing. )
So, FC is as young as we (creation) are. If FC finds anything worthwhile to be updated across the species, it does so automatically because its actually the 'law of survival' of species running in manifestation. (There was a bird called 'dodo' which had come into existence. But this was a meek and docile bird. Could not even defend itself. Was too giving. So was widely hunt and killed. This specie got extinct and never came back again. Similar case with dinosaurs. These survived in particular weather conditions of that era. Now they will not be born as there are better adapted species on earth. However, they can be born on other planets, where life has to start and advance). In due course of manifestation, sophisticated technology such as aeroplanes, scientific machinery, etc has come into existence. FC could have known the technology for same if such inventions are done on other planets. However, I have my doubts if FC would like to manifest just for repeated experiences. So, under innumerable options (circumstances+experience), FC lets events materialize and lets them unfold by being a silent observer. (Here law of karma comes cause and effect for one particular incarnation and its related experiences. This law takes effect because of the kind of choices a being makes in its incarnation. This is not the astral law I'm talking about).
So, when I asked Philip that does all the music he compose is already a part of FC, it needen't be necessarily true. As Philip composes, FC might be silent observer to composed music. Astrals may be relaying the 'already known' phenominon.

Alexander Technique

Jan 2, 2009
While doing Alexander Technique, I focus on all parts of my body. At some regions, I do feel a significant release. In the beginning, I used to feel more heaviness in the right part of my brain. But later, I did realise that there was actually more release in the right part of my body as compared to the left. Similarly, when I do eye energy movements, I feel it easier to carry on left oriented movements (extreme top left and bottom left) as compared to the right. Whether its an error in my focus or its really true that major traumas are stored in the right part of my body, I need to find out.
Jan 8, 2009
Today, while doing the Alexander technique, one wiered thought came to my mind. The thought was "What happens when one becomes enlighted?" Certainly, it means that the physical aspects are able to align with the non-physical aspects. This means that the physical body is able to reach to the causal body. Awareness is further taken to the infinite.
Jan 15, 2008
I don't know about the causal body or as a matter of fact, any other non-physical element. Yesterday, I sat outside in my garden and tried to 'listen' to everything. I could hear the traffic, horns, footsteps of people and dogs passing by, the gentle blow of wind on tree leaves. Whenever I tried to augment my awareness to every sound. But was time and again being disturbed by astral interference. Could not see any non physical form, but repeatedly, could sense inwardly the presence of the two deities whom I have extensively worshipped. Need to strengthen myself and my awareness.

Jan 21. 2009
Since past some days, since I've started searching for the clarity sphere, astral aspect has been strongly targetting me. First, they attack physically via my chakras. Then, emotion manipulation is there. Most of the attacks are coming from live people (who I am associated closely with). They are trying to unground me and are targetting me heavily (as they have done till date). They will never change. But my own being is getting badly affected. I feel lonely, depressed and lack interest in life. Sometimes feel that when will this life come to an end. This is all astral sourced, I know. Astrals have always targetted my life and mind (mind to manipulate my emotions and further bend down to them. To 'pray' to them for help). But now, I understand the truth. Still, I feel deeply hurt and am crying so much. Feel uneasy.

Anyways, yesterday while doing the Alexander technique, I focus on each part of my body. When I focus attention, that part of body seems to 'reciprocate'. There is some energy flow in that part of body. I need to watch if this is an astral sourced sensation or is it what I am understanding?

I understand:

Mind is same for all parts of the body (At one point of time I felt that each part of body had its own mind, which were in turn, being managed by 'intelligent mind). When I focus on any part, that mind is able to awarely connect to that part. The energy generated is a result of mind-body coordination. Then, mind gives directions to physical parts of body for good health and release of distorted energies.

Jan 22, 2009

I managed to ward off the psychic attack yesterday. Had strong emotional feelings and depression had deeply set in. I did fight the offenders with the reciprocal policy of 'offense'. But the overall experience was not good and had a negetive impact on me too. [Was sure that this loop and intensity was being manipulated by astrals. I have always been targetted. So, clarity sphere decision has nothing to do with this. Earlier, I used to think that I lack something which is why people are able to take advantage of me and I am not able to reciprocate to attrocites because I really lacked the will to hurt or do bad or even wish the same. But now I know that astral side has always made some people closely associated with me to behave in a fashion so that I can be easily ungrounded. Well, now I know and understand!]

On Jan 19, just closed my eyes (lying down). Then, in the middle of feelings of disgust, I visualized that I am leaving behind my ordinary mind (which was in pain and depression) and then I thought myself to be FC (transparent, infinite). Immidiately I felt relief and dozed off to a short nap (10 mins or so). Woke up rejuvinated.