Observations

Sept 2, 2009
Today in the morning, the weather was good so decided to go for a walk. Conducted power walking excercises in there. At one point, I felt as though there is a concenteration of my awareness and attention and there was a kind of 'feeling' of expansion, though nothing beyond it. These days, a sense of expansion does come in on and off (in form of concenteration of awareness initially), but then there seems to be an inclusion of other aspects. But that's it. Nothing more. Might be I'm getting more involved in doing the Alexander technique (first was doing only the lying down activity). This technique suggests of using the body and mind together and performing things with a sense of expansion rather than contraction. When I do deep breathing, I use the diaphragm. So, I've observed that the breath is deeper than what it used to be. Also, am conscious about my posture now (the neck lengthened and head resting delicately on top of it). Though still I am in a stage of making an effort to undo my learnt misue of body, I think that it will be beneficial for me. My cervical spondilosis is a bit better now. Earlier, in the mornings I used to get up with extreme pain in my neck and upper back. Shoulder muscles were stiff and it used to seem that everything is jammed. But now, pain is there, in morning, no doubt. But intensity has become much lesser and I suppose that with increased use of better posture, I'll be able to overcome this hurdle. Though am still 'learning' to use this technique properly.
But since yesterday, I'm observing something else playing in my mind. There is a constant sound of 'hummmm' (some husky, deep tone in kind of male voice and sometimes instrumental). A long one. Something in me is all the time telling me to delve in this sound. Also, I've observed that this rythm plays itself when I breathe out. Additionally, I've observed that the rythm comes when my mind is not thinking about anything else. Related observations:
- seems to be a prank of dark force
- its trying to 'hook' me with the idea that the rythm is some kind of creative vibration, representing creation
- its trying to distract me. When my own thoughts are silent, I'm interferred with such disturbances.
- enlightenment encompasses hearing of music and this is a part of music of consciousness.
- if I'm not falling trap to all this, I should forget that I can view the truth in its eyes as I'll never be given the chance to do so.

My own observations/confusions regarding astral realm, which ofcourse I will put to grounding post procedure:
- It seems that whenever an incarnation does a 'wishful' thinking', its essentially a visualization of how I want things to be, rather than how they really are. (Thus, its an illusion). This 'wishful thinking' is stored in astral realm. So, a part of awareness of each being is there by default.
- Astral realm was thus, originally a repository of thought forms, which were a result of wishful thinking. With passage of time, this repository became one of special powers also, as people used this wishful thinking to create illusions so that whatever they perceived, got fulfilled and there was no pending desire, so to say. Like its not in capacity of a human being to fly. But if a person wanted to experience what flying feels like, s(he) projected her/his awareness in the astral realm to get the feeling of flying.
- The thought forms struck with astral sub-reality, which have not been dissolved as yet, relay the distorted information to human beings (being non physical in nature and having our awareness in form of 'what if' with them).
- A human being today, experiences things on basis of 'beliefs' (which have been built in the astral realm because human beings wanted things to be in a particular fashion, but they turned out to be different. To bridge the gap in his/her desire and what is, human being builds a belief or so to say constructive thinking) rather than reality or 'what is'. So, beliefs govern our life experience at large. If I have a belief that I'll drown in the sea, I'll not go for water sports, even though I want to. So, my belief governs my life experience today.

Problems I'm facing:
- This is a disturbing rythm and whenever my mind is not having any routine thought, this is there.
- Its causing me to create beliefs (which I've listed above)

I'll do a grounding post procedure on all the beliefs and zap them all .

Sept 8, 2009
According to my observations, only one aspect of consciousness can gain attention of ordinary human mind at one particular point of time. So, if a thought is already going on, I get attached to it. This attachment is due to attention that a particular thought has. Typically, after the thought has passed, I reconcile my status that I am not just that thought so that I don't get swayed away with the thought, ie entire cycle of states (action, emotions, reactions, etc). But this does not happen with human beings at the moment. In their moment to moment existence, they 'attach' or 'associate' themselves to each thought and their 'becoming' wrt to whirlpool of thoughts that are going on in their mind. So, once a thought has passed by now, I come back to my original being, which is 'not only that thought' but me.

Sept 14, 2009
If I were to die now (intent that I set every night before sleeping), then how will I achieve it without being a 'captive of my own beliefs that I have had in this world'?
1) Zap the very notion that I can be captive.
2) I am zapping all my beliefs of God, but am getting interference and am again and again dragged to singing the praises or mantras of deities that I've worshipped. Fine. I am zapping these everyday. But why is it being reinforced? Probably of the world events also.
(ii) My broader belief that I need protection and all humans need protection. - ZAP
3) My attachments and dependencies on people.
4) My beliefs on hell and heaven.
5) My delving in a 'particular state' as in peace, love, etc. These are nothing but actual astral realms.
6) Anything that is separate from me or seems to be separate from my current nature, for example, the blue light that I see many times, the love and peace that I experience, the feeling of expansion, etc need to be zapped.
7) The belief or the notion that to pursue my true nature, I am or need to struggle with the dark force ie it is some sort of war between me and the astral realm.
8) My 'attachment' or 'clinging' to my physical body. At one time, I used to think what other people will do when I die. Now need to zap this notion and my 'attachment' to 'witnessing' or seeing how my death is ritualized and how different people react to my death and what loss
of my being dead means to my loved ones.

Beliefs that need grounding post

Sept 2, 2009:
Following are my beliefs that need to be put to grounding post procedure:
1. Awareness is a part of bodily existence and chances are that once body is not there, awareness is not there and then one goes into darkness ie just as one sleeps and has no awareness in that duration.
2. Awareness is there or is not there when one is not incarnated.
3. Curiosity to know what awareness is wrt to non physical state and also wrt to the fact that if an aspect of consciousness is not incarnated, then where does awareness come into picture ie for an enlighted person, will there be a continuum of consciousness even after death (I can smell an astral realm being created here and a mind can easily skip transition if it has an impression that it has to maintain an awareness and could fall prey to astral realm). Also, how does awareness picture after non enlighted person's death (here again, astral realms can be created).
4. I am 'attached' to well being of people in general and whenever I see someone suffering, I can't stop 'feeling' for that person and can easily get into a 'sad' state of mind.
5. If I can 'help' someone, then I get 'actively' involved in that procedure and become the actor myself. The 'urge' to make someone come out of trap situations in which s/he is currently into.
6. Being 'comfortable' in a limited scenario where my awareness is limited to my physical existence.
7. 'Fear' of experiencing' my 'infinite' nature of reality and then clinging to my limitation whenever I feel that I'm nearing it.
8. All 'impressions' relating to enlightenment (like its an experience, etc).
9. If I try to 'perceive' my real nature, I'll be attacked by the dark force and the dark force's capability to do so.
10. What is called 'enlightenment' is some separate and special 'state' beyond my physical existence. When I go to that state, I'll loose touch with the physical world and then might be in danger.
11. My true nature is something about darkness or light or energy.
12. Fear of isolation, darkness and confinement.
13. Fear of old age and notion that when one goes into old age, s(he) has an unhealthy life and body at that stage becomes very difficult to maintain. I've gathered this impression because even the closest of current people are not really 'happy' to care of sick ones. When one is ill, that seems to be the toughest time as illness fosters 'dependecy' on other people. Other people do not do things according to wish of the person in question, ofcourse (they have their own life and brains). So, sickness can lead to depletion of one's life experience to a great extent.
14. My understanding my own true nature is a war between me and the illusionary realities that I am carrying and the dark force. The dark force will and is always throwing pranks to keep me away from realizing my true nature, no matter how hard I try to perceive it.